Saturday, May 14, 2016

Loving Your Wife


May 10, 2015

Now, being Mother's Day, I wanted to preach a sermon that would pertain unto the mothers. This whole sermon's not going to be just about our mothers, though, it's also going to be about our wives, because of the fact that today we should show love and affection to our mother, and also to our wives because they are ...

Ephesians chapter number 5, and the bible reads, beginning at verse number 25 it says, "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself forth, that he might sank the ... way to love your wife and show her that you appreciate her is to basically just to tell her that you love her and just reassure her of that frequently. Flip back to Proverbs, if you would. I'm going to show you some things in Proverbs starting at verse, chapter 27. Go to Proverbs, chapter number 27. Often we hear the phrase, 'husbands love your wives' but we want to get more specific with that. You know how can we love our wives? Honestly, I think that there are a lot of men who truly do love their wives or love their mother but that doesn't necessarily mean that their wife knows that or that their wife feels loved or that their mother feels it.

You want to make sure that you love your wife in such a way that she's going to know that she's loved. She's going to understand that you love her. The fact that you love her in your heart is not really enough if that message never gets across to her. Look at what the bible says in Proverbs 27, verse 5, "Open rebuke is better than secret love." See, secret love isn't really going to do anybody any good, is it? If you love your wife from the bottom of your heart but you're not expressing that, you're not saying that, you're not showing that with your actions, then that's not really enough. It says, "Open rebuke is better than secret love."

Flip over to Proverbs, chapter 31, just a few pages to the right in your Bible, the passage about the virtuous woman. The Bible reads in verse 28, "Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." The Bible says that the husband rises up and calls his wife blessed and he praises her. He verbally affirms her and tells her what a great wife she is, how much he loves her. We need to obviously express our love to our mothers as well. Tell her what a great mother she is. Praise her, what does it mean to praise her? When we think of praising the Lord, which is a common theme throughout the Bible, what does the Bible say about praising the Lord? It says, "Praise Him for his wondrous acts." Praise Him because his mercy endured forever.

When we praise the Lord we want to be specific. We want to praise him for great things that he's done, great attributes that he has. It's the same thing if we were to praise our mother, or praise our wife. We would basically bring up specific things and specific acts that she's done. Say, "Hey, you did a great job with this." Or, "Thank you for doing this.", "This is why you're a great mother. This is why you're a great wife." That's the type of praise that we're talking about.

The Bible says in verse 29, "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." When you let her know that she is number 1 in our life and that we're glad that we married her and not someone else, and that we love her above all others. It says, "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain." You might want to leave that part out. "But a woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised." That's just for your benefit, the reader, okay. "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain. But a woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates."

A wonderful thing about the Bible is that the Bible it really lifts up and exults femininity and the position and the role that wives and mothers have. It's amazing how sometimes fundamentalist, Christianity, or being an independent Faithful Word Baptist gets a bad rap as being down on women, or negative toward women. Misogynistic or this kind of garbage, just by fools who don't understand between men and women. What do you expect from people who can't even understand the sign on the bathroom door, that don't even know that there are only 2 genders, male and female. Of course, they're going to get confused and think that we as Christians are down on women, negative toward women, misogynistic. Actually the Bible exults and gives honor onto women, and respects women for who they are.

Even the term feminism is so bizarre because feminism basically teaches women to act like men. Why don't you just call it masculism? That will make a lot more sense. See, the Bible is the true feminism, teaching women that there's glory in being feminine, there's glory in being a mother, that being a wife is a wonderful role that they could fill with their lives. Like I said tonight, I'm preaching a sermon on Islam. Going through and sharing the heresies and false teachings of Islam. To me, Islam really is down on women. That's not just a stereotype. It says right in the Quran that men are superior to women. That's not what the Bible teaches so.

The Bible teaches that in Christ there is neither male nor female. When it comes to spiritual things in our value and our worth when it comes to our position in on Jesus Christ we are equal in that sense. Obviously the Bible does teach a difference in the roles between men and women. We don't fill the same roles. The Bible does teach that the wife is to submit to and obey her husband. That's not because she's of lesser value. It's just because of the fact that there's a certain chain of command, an authority structure, and an order that God has set up for us to live our lives by.

The Bible actually exults and lifts up and says, "Hey, praise her. Lift up your voice and praise your wife in the gate. Give her the fruit of her hands." The Bible say that we are to appreciate our wife and not just take her for granted and just withhold everything from her. The Bible says, "Give her the fruit of her hands. Praise her, appreciate her. Love her, honor her." This is what the Bible teaches. It's important to compliment our wives. The whole book of Song of Solomon, we don't have time to read it but there are just so many compliments pouring forth for the husband unto his wife, praising her beauty, telling her how much she adores her and so on and so forth.

Flip over to Proverbs chapter 15. First of all, number 1, in order to love our wives we want to make sure that we tell them that we love them and praise them, compliment them, verbally express that. Reassure them of that and make sure that they know that they're loved. You see women have a need to be loved. Now, if you look at the instructions unto a married couple the biggest thing that God emphasizes for the ladies is that they reverence and respect their husbands and submit to him. Why? Because the greatest need that we have as men is to be respected.

Audience: Yeah.

Pastor: If we have a choice between being loved and respected we want to be respected.

Audience: Amen.

Pastor: It's important to us as men. Ladies are not like that. Ladies have a great desire ... We all want to be loved but obviously ladies even more so, that's their greatest need, it's to feel loved. Just because you married them doesn't mean that they just know that you loved them for the rest of their life. Like the famous story of the woman who said to her husband, "Why don't you tell me that you love me anymore?" He says, "You know I told you why I married you and if it changes I'll let you know." That doesn't work because we need to constantly assure our wives that we still love them and let them know that we would still choose them again. We don't want them to think that while we're with them because we're stuck with them. Because we made that vow ''Til death do us part', and we're just biding our time and even so, come Lord Jesus you know. Like we're just biding our time.

Then we actually do love them, we're glad we married them, we appreciate them. We need to love our wives and make sure that they know that we love them by verbally reassuring them because open rebuke is better than secret love. Don't keep it a secret, be open with our love. Secondly, women not only desire to be affirmed of the love that we have for them. Not only that, they also want security. Women desire security and stability. Now, when we think of this a lot of times we think of financial. They want money and a bank account. Although that is part of it more important to women than that is actually just feeling secure in the sense that they know that you love them, again.

Look if you would at Proverbs 15, verse 15. The Bible says, "All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he that is of a merry heart has a continual feast. Better is little with the fear of the Lord that great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." Right here in this passage we see in 3 different verses, God is explaining the concept that it's more important that we show our wife that we love her, spend time with her, appreciate her than even the type of provision that we do.

Obviously it's important for us to provide for our wives. The Bible says, "If any provide not for his own and specially for those of his own house he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." That's not really the number 1 most important thing. That's not the only thing that we do as husbands or, "Hey, I'm paying the bills so just shut up and just be happy." No, because the Bible says that, "It's better to have a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. It's better to have a little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure and troubles therewith." If we have a merry heart then all our days are a continual feast. Even if we only have a little bit to eat or even if our dwelling place is a modest dwelling place. Maybe we don't have a car or we have a cheap car. Maybe don't have nice clothes and nice things but you know what, love will cover a multitude of sins.

Audience: Amen. Right.

Pastor: We need to understand what the important things for our wife are and that is that we love her, that we appreciate her. Then she feels secure that we're never going to leave her nor forsake her, and that we still love and cherish her as when we first married her. It's important that we make sure that she knows that. Not only that. Go to James chapter 3, because we're about ways that we can show our wives that we love her and express that love to her in a way that she's going to understand and feel loved. Again, some of these points do carry over that you could show your mother that you love her. Make sure that you tell her that and compliment her and praise her. I really appreciate my mother because first of all my mother is the one who won me to Christ when I was just a small child. I still remember kneeling by my mother's bedside and praying to the Lord Jesus Christ and ask him to be my savior. I remember she showed me John 5:24, "Very truly I say to you, either heareth my word and believe upon Him that sent me hath everlasting life, and shall not come in to condemnation but has passed from the death into life."

She showed me that scripture and showed me that eternal security and a believer when I was this a young 6 year old boy. Not only that but she taught me many great things from the Bible. I was thinking about it recently and I was trying to remember different churches that I went to and sermons that I heard and I was wracking my brain and I could barely think of any sermons that I heard as a child. I thought back to the church that I went to for 3 or 4 years. I wracked my brain and I remember 2 sermons that were preached in 3 or 4 ... We went there 3 times a week, Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. I only remembered a couple of sermons out of hundreds of sermons.

Then I thought of another church that I went to. I could only remember one sermon of the whole year that I went there, a 150 something sermons that I heard. You know what, I can remember lots of things that my parents taught me. Remember lots of doctrines and scriptures and things where my parents would say something to me, things that came out of the mouth of my mother that made more of an impression on me than what I was hearing in church. You ladies need to understand that your job as a mother is so critical. The Bible says in Proverbs 31, for example, the words of King Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. Mothers teaching their children the word of God, it's powerful. I appreciate my mother teaching me the word of God and would not be who I am today if it were not for me being brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and being taught the gospel and being taught other biblical doctrines throughout my childhood. Praise God for that.

Other people didn't have that advantage. They didn't grow up with a mother that loved the Lord and that taught them how to be saved and other important biblical truths. Not only should we, number 1, arise up and praise our mother and praise our wife and give them the honor and respect that they deserve. Not only should we verbally affirm that love, not only should we provide security for our wives, not just financial security. I mean that's great, but also security of just feeling secure in our relationship, that she knows that she's loved and that we're not going to leave her nor forsake her. That's even more important than just the financial side.

Not only that, number 3, a way that we can show our wife that we love her is to be approachable if she has an issue with something that she can come to us and talk to us without us freaking out. Now, look what the Bible says about this. In James chapter 3, verse 16, it says, "For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable," watch this, "... gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." Notice that term, 'gentle, and easy to be intreated'. What does it mean to be 'easy to be intreated'? It means that somebody can come to you and ask you for something or intreat you for something or bring up an issue with something or a problem without you making it difficult to bring up anything, without getting rude, defensive or angry or just blowing your top. The Bible says that we should be slow to anger.

Now, flip over if you would to first Timothy chapter 5, just a few pages to the left in your Bible. Because here's another place in the Bible that uses the term 'intreat' so that it'll help you get and understanding of what the Bible means when it says, 'easy to be intreated'. In first Timothy, chapter 5 verse 1, speaking of the pastor, it says, "Rebuke not an elder but intreat him as a father, and the younger men as brothers. What's the Bible saying here? Rebuke is to sternly tell someone that they're wrong. What the Bible is saying is that we should not be rude to a pastor and just rebuke an elder, get in their face, mouth off to him, be disrespectful. Does that mean that we never should approach a pastor and tell him that he's wrong about something or correct him on something? Of course not.

Of course, the pastor should also be easy to be intreated. That doesn't mean that he should be rebuked and it's the same thing obviously with a husband and wife, even more so with a husband and wife. Even more so should the wife not rebuke her husband but she should intreat him. Here's the thing, he should be easy to be intreated. That's what the Bible says, we should be gentle and easy to be intreated. Meaning that obviously a wife should not be rebuking and mouthing off to her husband. If she does come to him with a concern with an issue, with a problem, he should be ready to hear and ready to be gentle and listen and not just blow his top or get really defensive or get really angry, but to be gentle and easy to be intreated.

You don't have to turn there. You can flip over to Galatians 5, since you're in the neighborhood there. I'll read for you from Proverbs 18, verse 21 where the Bible reads, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord. The poor useth intreaties; but the the rich answereth roughly." Now, why didn't you see that contrast there of two opposite things. The Bible says, "The poor useth intreaties; but the rich answereth roughly. Do you see the difference there? The opposite there? There's using intreaties and then there's answering roughly. That's what it's saying when it says, "Rebuke not an elder but intreat him as a father." What's the difference? It's the difference in tone. The difference in respect.

What the Bible is saying here is that the opposite of an intreaty is to speak roughly. Okay. What the Bible is saying is that we should be easy to be intreated. Our wife should be able to come to us and tell us if there's a problem or ask us to fix something without us getting real defensive and upset. We should be gentle and easy to be intreated. Look, at Galatians 5, 22. More of this concept on being gentle and easy to be intreated says, in Galatians 5, 22 "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such things there is no law." Gentleness is one of the fruit of the spirit of the Bible says. Also, temperance, what does temperance mean? You've heard of somebody having a bad temper. What does that mean? That they can't control their anger, that they blow their top very quickly, that they lose their temper.

Now, listen, anger is not always a sin. There is a time to be angry. There is an appropriate righteous time to be angered. The Bible does teach that we are to be slow to anger. We even see God and Jesus becoming angry in the Bible but he was slot to anger. Even when you look at the time Jesus blew his top the most. When he went into the temple and was flipping over the tables and chasing people out with the whip, that was not jesus losing his temper, because before he did that he sat outside the temple and he fashioned a whip of cords. In order to make a leather whip by hand that shows that he thought about what he was doing, he premeditated it. It wasn't just some worry, you just walk in there and just lost it and just (screaming) started throwing tables over.

Now, he planned it. Now, a lot of people whenever you get angry they'll condemn you. Here's the thing, what if it's planned? What if it's appropriate? What if it's necessary? What if it's righteous. That's what jesus did. He had an angry fit where he flipped things over and swang away but it was something that was not or it just out of control. Most of the anger in your lives is sinful. Most of the time it's just blowing our top about something stupid or it's just we're getting angry at the top of the hat and the Bible commands us to be slow to anger and says, "The Lord is slow to anger." If we're going to emulate him we should not be one who has no control, just blowing our top.

The Bible teaches us to be gentle, that's one of the fruit of the spirit, gentleness and temperance. Now, turn over back at Psalm 18. The Bible says this in verse 35, "Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation." This is David speaking unto the Lord. "And thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great." Now, the verse before that says, "He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms." This is not an effeminate man here speaking. David's not just some little sissified guy who's real gentle, okay. No. See, you have to understand that there's nothing effeminate or sissy about being gentle in the appropriate context. We see a man here who is clearly a manly, if there ever were a manly man in the Bible it woul be David, who's this great warrior, he's breaking steel with his bare hands, he's a tough guy. He's a man of war.

He talked about gentleness. Why? Because there is a time to be gentle and there's a situation where we need to be gentle. Honestly gentleness is a virtue of the Lord and it's a virtue of spiritual people because it's one of the fruit of the spirit. We go out still winning and we want to get people saved. The Bible says in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves if God [inaudible 00:21:13] will give them repentance in the acknowledging of the truth, and that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil who are taken captive by Him in his will. We shouldn't go out soul winning and just get angry at people, blow our top at people, the drama or just flip out because people don't believe it. We should be gentle. Honestly, I go out soul winning with people and sometimes they're surprised, they go soul winning will be like, "Wow, you're a lot more gentle than I thought you would be. You're a lot nicer than I thought you would be."

Because they see me up here on the pole. I mean, you really think I'm going door-to-door and screaming at people's faces at their door? No, because you say, "Why scream of this?" Because you ought to know better, that's why. You're an independent Faithful Word Baptist. This is why, because the church I'm preaching under is just saved. I'm preaching to the saints and you can handle it, you can take it and I'm trying to start you up and get you excited and rebuke sin. You know what, when we go to the unsaved, the Bible says, "I determine not to know anything among you, save Jesus Christ and him crucified."

Audience: Right.

Pastor: We don't go door-to-door preaching on the way women should dress, and preaching on what's wrong with the television, and preaching against alcohol. That's not why we go door-to-door with that message. A lot of people they do that and they think it's evangelism and it's not. Evangelism is bringing the good news of the gospel of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. There's a time to rephrase and preach hard to get sin in the house of God. When we go out soul winning, when we go out amongst the lost, what they need is be saved.

Audience: Right. Amen.

Pastor: They need to be saved, because cleaning up their life isn't going to fix anything if they go to hell. I mean, they can get saved. The gospel, they need Jesus. That's the message that we emphasize. There's kind of street preaching crowd where they go out in front of the movie theater and scream about how bad the movies are. It doesn't work. "But the laws are [inaudible 00:23:12] ..." Look, it doesn't work, man. You must be misinterpreting that passage. Because you go out and scream at people all the time and get almost no one saved. We go out door-to-door and get people saved daily.

Audience: Amen.

Pastor: I mean there are people saved in this area almost everyday through the door knocking, soul winning efforts of our church. In the Book of Act, the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved. What in the world do we think is wrong when you're going out screaming at people and nobody's getting sa-, you're doing some wrong.

Audience: Right.

Pastor: You're doing some wrong. If people aren't being saved you're not doing it right. Because the Bible says, "He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seeds, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing bringing the sheaves with them." If people are never getting saved you're not doing it right. Period. Well, I'm in a hard area. Look, even in the hard area you'll get people saved.

Audience: Yeah, that's true.

Pastor: It'll take longer. You might have to spend about 20 to 25 hours of soul winning before you get somebody saved in the worst possible ... I'm thinking of some of the hardest areas that I've ever been in where I literally put in like 20 hours of soul winning. Eventually someone will get saved in every area. Audience: Yeah.

Pastor: I don't care what country you're in, I don't care what the demographic is, I don't care financially, I don't care what the situa-, what religion they are, if you go out and preach the gospel with a tear in the eye and the Bible on a hand, you will get people saved. This is failing ministries it's because they're not gently preaching the truth in love ... They're not giving the gospel of Jesus Christ, they're not bringing the good news. When I go soul winning I want to be gentle with people. Why? Because my goal is to get them saved.

Audience: Yeah.

Pastor: I don't want to just put them in just a flight or fight mode and just get them on their defense right away just right out of the gate. I don't knock on a Jew's door and just, "Hey, why did you kill Jesus?" I'm not going to knock on a Catholic's door and say, "Your religion is the great whore of Revelation. Can I show you the Bible? You've got 5 minutes?" I don't go to a Muslim's door and just say, "Did you know your prophet's a pedophile?" I mean that's not the first thing out of my mouth? It's true but it's not the first thing on my mouth. I don't just walk up to a Hindu and say, "You worship Satan. Have you got 5 minutes? I can show you." It's stupid. That's why this is my policy when I go soul winning. I always give people the gospel first before I talk negative about their religion. You do have to show them what's wrong with their religion. You know what, I start out by giving them the plan of salvation first. You know why? That's the power of God, salvation.

Audience: Amen.

Pastor: If you just start out with the other thing, you're just going to get an argument before you even get to the meat and potatoes. I start out first going through the plan of salvation, showing them how Jesus died for our sins, and he's buried, he rose again. How salvation's by faith. How you can't lose your salvation. Because look, they don't believe that. They're all wrong on that, that needs to be corrected. Whether you're talking to a Catholic, a Mormon, a Muslim, they all believe in salvation by works. That's where you start, with the gospel that Jesus paid it all and you show him all the scriptures about how we deserve to go to hell because of our sins, but Jesus has paid the full price. If we believe on the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved. He gives us this eternal life and He'll never leave us or forsake us.

Then once I go through that then I say, "Now, you mentioned you're a Catholic." I say, "Now, here's what the Catholic church teaches. They teach that you do have to go to church to be saved. Do the works, confess to the priest. The Bible is saying it's all by faith. Now, which one do you believe?" Make them make that choice. A lot of the time they'll say, "I'm going with what the Bible says."

Audience: Yeah. Right.

Pastor: Then you could lead, you could pray with them right there to call upon the name of the Lord and be saved. I don't just jump in right at the beginning with that. Why? Because I'm trying to be gentle, because I want to achieve the goal. I'm not out to show how big and bad I am. I'm out to get somebody saved. That's the goal. You're more likely to get somebody saved by giving them the gospel. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation. In any soul winning plan that does not emphasize the good news is a failed soul winning plan. Period. That's important. If they are Muslim, then I'll go through the part about how it's by faith, it's not of works and everything. Because they believe in works. Then at the end I would say at that point, "That is not what Islam teaches. Islam doesn't offer you that." Then I'll say, "Which one do you believe?" Then I bring them to that crossroads right there. That's important at that point but not before that.

We need to be gentle, okay when we're soul winning. What do we need to do in our marriages? We need to be easy to be intreated. That does lead to my next point of listening to your wife. Go to James chapter 1, James chapter number 1. I already alluded to this verse a little bit earlier but let's look at another part of this important verse. In James 1:19 the Bible says, "Wherefore my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." We just talked about slow to wrath. Did he say, "Just never, never use wrath."? No. There isn't ... The Bible says, "Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath." There is a time and a place but it's rare and we should be slow to wrath. He says, "Let every man be swift to hear." What is swift mean? Quick.

Audience: Right.

Pastor: Be more ready to hear than to speak, he's saying. He's saying be swift to hear, slow to speak. Slow to wrath. Now, why do we need to be slow to speak? Well, number 1 because we want to think about what we say before we say it. Because there is He who's ... I'm paraphrasing this because I don't have this memorized, but there's one who's speaking and his words are like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the righteous it is health, something like that. What the Bible is talking about when it says being slow to speak is that we would think about what we say before we say it. Also that we spend time listening and not just have a one way type of a conversation where we're doing all the talking. Have you ever talked to certain people where you just can't get a word and advice?

Audience: Yup.

Pastor: I mean you cannot get a word in. You start to say something he says, over you. I'm thinking of a certain person like this right now. It's funny when I talk to this person because somehow when you talk to people like this and you really want to get in there. I'm not talking about Alex Jones interviewing me but that ... Anyway, there's just certain people you just can't get a word and that's ... It's funny because sometimes when I'm done with situations like that, sometimes you just have to just start talking.

Audience: Yeah.

Pastor: Just not stop, right? You just keep talking and then they finally kind of lose the battle as it were. There's a certain person that I talk to, I'm not going to mention any names. If I try that method with this person they will never stop. Sometimes I'll try to just, I'm just going to face off because I mean, all is right, 15 minutes, how do you say something here? Also, talking and literally you can't win this face off. I'll get 3, 4, 5 sentences out and the talking just never stops. I'm just like I give up. I bow to your superiority. It's like playing chicken. Eventually you got to swallow that, that wheel. Anyway, we need to be one that is swift to hear, slow to speak, et cetera. This is the part especially in our marriage.

We don't want to be one that doesn't listen to because if you don't listen to people you're not showing them love. It's a sign of love if you want to hear what they say. If I love you then I must love something about you like your personality, like what you say, I want to hear what you have to say. When you're constantly shutting somebody down and not listening to them and don't care what they have to say that's not very loving. That's showing a selfishness. "Hey, it's all about me. Listen to what I have to say." You don't want to hear what anybody else has to say. We as husbands, if we want to show love and affection to our wife, we should be easy to be intreated, as the Bible says. We should also be swift to hear, ready to listen and not ... by the way, this is not listening, "Yeah, great, uh, huh." Isn't that how a lot of people listen?

Audience: Yeah.

.; You know, if it's not this, this, then this, "Yeah. Uh, huh. I'm listening keep talking." Be an active listener. Actually when people talk to you look at them and listen and then comment on what they're saying. Don't just change the subject every time to something completely different. Actually listen to what they're saying and discuss it with them and comment on what they're actually saying. Engage in actual dialogue and active listening. That's going to show love to your wife not just you don't really care, don't really appreciate her, don't want to hear what she has to say.

Flip over to Peter, chapter 3. First Peter chapter 3. Again, number 1, we're talking about how to love your wife, number 1 was to tell her that you love her. Praise her, compliment her, constantly reassure her. You may not understand this is as a man because you don't necessarily have this type of insecurity. Your wife does and you need to be there to make her feel better and tell her that you love her and reassure her. Man have their own insecurities that are different. Men want to be respected more and so on, and so forth. There's a difference there. We need to tell our wife verbally, praise her, compliment her.

Number 2, provide security for her. Not only just financial security but more importantly just security that we love her and that we're never going to leave her nor forsake her. Number 3 we need to be approachable if she has an issue with something. Gentle and easy to be intreated, the Bible said. Number 4, we should be a good listener. Not just always swift to speak. Slow to speak and swift to hear. Ready to listen. Lastly, fifth, we need to dwell with our wife according to knowledge. We need to know our wife. The Bible says in first Peter chapter 3, verse 7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

I think this is so important that we dwell with our wife according to knowledge. What does that mean to dwell with her according to knowledge? We need to know our wife and understand our wife. The new book is in, understanding women. Have you ever seen that picture where they show a kind of a nerdy looking guy with a book that's this thick and it says, "Hey, this is volume 1" or whatever, understanding women and hey, women are impossible to understand. For all the hype of women being impossible to understand, they're really not impossible to understand. It really is possible to figure it out. It's just that sometimes men just don't want to necessarily take the time and the energy to try to understand their wife.

Instead they just assume, "Well, here's what I would want. Why don't she want the same thing?" You're not married to a man. That's why. You're married to a woman and women are different than men. It was a great day when I realized you know what, doing to us, you know, 'therefore all things whichever you would that men should do unto you' do you even start to them? For this is the law on the prophets? It was a good day when I realized just because I want something or I think a certain way that doesn't mean that my wife is going to think that ... Because she's a woman and I'm a man and I should stop trying to say, "I just can't figure this out." It doesn't really matter why. Just figure it out. Just figure out what works and what doesn't. Dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Figure out which light bulb comes on when you push each button.

You don't have to understand. I mean look, you don't have to see a schematic of all the diodes and understand all the electrical engineering behind it. If you push a button a light bulb go. Good. If I turn the key in the ignition of my car do I really have to understand everything about why the car is turning on in order for that car to drive me from point A to point B? No. You do need some knowledge to drive a car, don't you? You don't need to be able to draw a diagram of a four stroke engine. You do need to know how to turn the key, how to put it in gear, how to release the parking break, how to step on the gas, how to use the [inaudible 00:36:32]. There's a lot to learn when you're learning how to drive, isn't there?

At first it's hard. Teenagers are struggling with it. The windshield wipers are coming on. They're trying to get the thing going. They don't know what's going on. Once you get good at it it's a piece of cake. You get in the car everyday and you don't even think about it, do you? You're not going through some mental flight checklist or something like an airplane pilot. You just get in the car and just mindlessly, you can practically do it in your sleep. Don't do it on your sleep but you could. You're just release the break, spin the wheel. It's like second nature. It's like riding a bicycle. You know that's how it is because you know how to do it. Because you took time to learn. You don't have to sit there and, "Well, I just don't understand why she wants this or doesn't want this." So what? That's meaningless information.

Why? All you need to know is what she wants and give it to her. I'm not saying give your wife everything she wants. Don't misunderstand me. What I am saying is that you want to know how to show your wife that you love her in a way that she understands and learn her likes and dislikes. If you've been married for a decade you should be able to order for your wife at a restaurant and order something that she's going to like. Bring her home food or treats that she's going to like. Not bring her home that which she hates, or just have no clue. Just, "I have no idea what she likes. What kind of food she wants." That just kind of shows that you're not paying attention. That shows kind of a lack of love and knowledge.

Dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Women are not as direct as men. Men are a little direct, we say what we mean, we mean what we say. Women are more indirect in the way that they say things. We have to learn that secret language. We have to decrypt what they're saying. We have to learn what they mean and their woman speak. Be able to decrypt it and understand what they're really saying. Because sometimes what the words that are coming out of their mouth is not really what they're saying. It's really indirect. Sometimes these cues, this little subtle cues, you have to pick up on them. She's not going to say, like as a man we just say, "I want to go out to eat right now. This is the restaurant I want to go to. Let's do it." That's man language. Okay. Women language is like, "What should I make for dinner tonight? Yeah. You know what, I've kind of got a late start on dinner tonight. What can I whip up real fast?" Hint, hint. "I guess we'll have an oatmeal for dinner again." We're just like, "Okay. Great. Make sure mine has raisins in it."

"Great, it's good for you." She's like, "Get the hint." Look, ladies, you can't pull this every night. All right? I'm just kidding. Maybe that's a silly example. I'm just saying these little kind of subtle cues and little thi-, or you know the fishing for compliments. Obviously it's a bad habit to fish for compliments. If your wife's fishes for compliments you need to put one on the line for her. You need to stock that lake. You know what I mean? You need to stock the lake with like farm-raised fish. You need to keep that lake stocked so that when she's fishing for compliments she better catch something on that line right away. It's just the little subtle cues like, "Oh, I look awful today." You're supposed to jump in there and be like, "No, you look amazing."

I'm just saying you have to dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Here's the thing, that big, giant book isn't going to work because they're all different. That's what I can't understand for the life of me why would someone want to get divorced and marry someone else. I don't want to start over. I mean I already spent years and years trying to figure out the woman I married to, I don't want to start over. Anyway, they're all different, right? You have to dwell with your wife according to knowledge. I can't even get up here and tell you, "Hey, this is the one size fits all. Here's how you're going to have a perfect marriage, step 1, step 2, step 3." You need to learn and take an interest in and understand your own wife and that's one of the ways that you can show her you love her is by dwelling with her according to knowledge.

What's the sermon about? We want our wives to feel appreciated. Of course we all want to appreciate our mothers today. It is mother's day, that's very important, too. For many of us our wife is also the mother of our children. You want to think about her today as well. If we love our wives we don't want that to be secret love, as the Bible says. Open rebuke is better than secret love. We want that to be openly expressed, and our love in our heart is not going to do any good unless it gets out of our heart and it gets transmitted to our wife in a way that she understands. We need to transmit our love to our Mom in a way that she understands. It has to get there. It's like if you say to someone who's naked and destitute of daily food, the part of peace being warm and filled, notwithstanding you give them not those things which are needed of the body, what are the profit?

If it doesn't get to the destination, the love in our heart is kind of meaningless at that point, isn't it? If our wife doesn't find out about it or other important people in our life. We need to express our love and what I showed you from the scripture this morning are just some practical ways that are all biblical to show your wife love in a way that she's going to understand.

Let's bow to a word of prayer. Father, we thank you so much for our mothers, Lord, and for our wives, these important ladies in our life. Thank you for the word of God that exults femininity in women and exults the positions of being a wife and a mother. Lord, help us to appreciate and honor these important people in our lives especially today, but all days. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.



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